Please Stop Buying Detox Tea (Weight loss, Slimming or Fitness)

You can read the story about how I once trialed a detox tea and ended up fainting on my bathroom floor at 4am due to loss of electrolytes here but that’s not even the main reason everyone needs to STOP BUYING AND USING DETOX TEAS as a miracle weightless solution.

(Yes I want to point out my complete change of opinion since writing this article 15 months ago)

Here are some of the reasons you should put away the credit card and scroll past the slimming tea magical potions…

Please Stop Buying

~ Basic Effectiveness ~

 The only way I would ever advise or support using these tea-tox’s is if you are already living a healthy, active, balanced life and are not relying on this tea to drop weight quickly. But then if you are already living a healthy balances life why would you take these?

To ease bloating? There are easier and cheaper way to try first (for example try half a lemon in some hot water or a tablespoon of Apple Cider Vinegar in some water a couple of times a day.)

To improve acne? Again there are better more targeted methods.

Gain muscle tone/ get buff? Work on your diet, exfoliate, moisturise and lift my girls. Funnily enough, diluted herbs aren’t going to being you a Ashy Bines 6 pack. Think about it.


~ The Absolute Shit they sell you on Social Media ~

 ‘thank you *insert detox brand here* I have lost 6 kilos and my skin has cleared, my muscles are more toned and my hair has grown 6 inchs and I now have the ability to fly and read people’s minds.’

 Have you seen this alongside a miracle 3 day before and after picture? Or even a 14 day?

I’m going to make the call here and say these girls are either A. lying to get featured on a big social media account B. Using the tea in conjunction with a healthy balance of a good diet and exercise (which they have been doing longer than the 3  days) or C. Don’t actually exist.

In researching this post I have checked out several of the most popular brands ‘results’ posts and I have to say I didn’t see one that was offering anything less than miracle results. Yes, I understand that a brand would only endorse their most successful, most visually pleasing results but really? I can’t even fathom that these would be true let alone the standard results.

~ The Very Real Chance You Will Shit Yourself~

Yes – all the reviews might suggest that ‘colon cleanse’ is gentle and that it just makes you poop in the mornings. And it does instruct you only draw in the water for 30 seconds if you are new to it… but I have heard more than one real-lilfe-stories of people actually shitting themselves in their cars, or at the hairdresser.

Yes – if you are smart and only be very gentle with the soaking phase there is less risk of you soiling yourself in front if your crush (worst case scenario) or anyone-else-you-know (is there a good case scenario for shitting yourself?).

But, wait, are really talking about trying to avoid shitting yourself after the age of 3.

~ Price ~

My friend, god bless her, sent me a picture the other day of a ‘buddy bargain’ whereby you can buy 2 x 28 day teatox’s for the discounted price of $120 – that’s 56 tea bags each. I told her that she was kidding herself, you can pick up a 50 pack of herbal tea at the supermarket for less than a tenner.

I think we’ve become numb to the price because all detox teas, with their magical herbs, come in between $30-60 per program – but when we stop and look at the reality of what you are getting… is this serious? Do you know what I could do with $120? Buy a new pair of runners that’s what I could do.

I get it, they are selling you the skinny body not the 50 tea bags – but a pair a runners will get you closer to that body than the tea bags ever will.

Also thrown into the price is motivation – ‘well I’ve spent 100 bucks on this thing now I don’t want to waste my money so I better do exactly as the guidelines are saying’ – and you might lose the weight.

But you can just give me the $100, if you lose the weight, I’ll give it back, if you don’t I’ll keep it, (a real thing on websites like, at least that way you have a chance of losing weight and getting your money back.


So yeah, please just stop.

Have you tried and got results from a teatox?

I support any new, edgey healthy or weight loss hack – but I just don’t think this is the one.

I have said it before but it so bang on here it is again

If there is an easy way, a cheat way, I haven’t found it yet.

Love ya,

simple crown


1 Comment

  1. Tarah
    September 5, 2015 / 5:34 am

    I actually read a story about a woman who spoke out about her before and after photos. Her photos that she had posted online describing the details of her actual weight loss journey were in fact stolen and used for marketing purposes of some magic diet pill. When she saw her face plastered everywhere with a fake story attached she tried to get it taken down and was surprised to discover that once images are shared online they become open for use of business marketing with out them ever needing to notify you or pay you any royalties.

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